from L.A. w/ ♥

when will this feeling go away?
i feel like im stuck in place, and then again i feel like im floating through my days.
I spent 3 hours talking on the phone with him last night and barely did one drop of studying last night. and the thing is, i know how to do Lewis Dot structures! i freaking psyched myself out! :( i knew how to answer that question too. :(
I feel so stupid. i need to study extra hard this week and next week for my chemistry exam number 2. The only hope i have left is this exam, exam number 3 and my final to make sure i get that A. Ive never stressed over an A so much in my life. especially in Chemistry!! wtf.. but i want it that bad. and im gonna work for it. I gotta keep up with my labs and homework too, cant slack on those no-brainer 100% points.

Besides Chemistry, im pretty sure ill get an A in PreCalc and Calculus this whole school year because the professor is an amazing wonder! yet English of course (my worst subject) will most likely come out as a B. Speaking of English i have to write another paper for that mother fugger! yikkeees!

I love college. like i reeeeally reeaaally do. I keep hearing freshman year is waay easy compared to that dreadful sophmore year. yikes! that includes Organic Chemistry105-106, General Biology, my College 60 course in Fads and Fashion, (maybe Statistics if i want a BS in Bio or Chem), and frickin computer science if i want a BS. aggghhh!!! im gonna pull my hair out next year. Itll be my hardest year too. :(
Im ready tho, I need to focus on the now, can't keep thinking too far ahead. just one step at a time. And i really dont know if i want just a Master's right after Mills or aim for a PhD! ahhh so many doors open for science people with PhD's...its a way that i can be a doctor without being stuck with a D.V.M. or M.D. hmmmm i love thinking about my future. lol makes me smile inside because i know now that even though i'm putting all this money into college, it will all pay off for a secured future for me, myself, and I.

there's so much i wanna do, and i feel like there's so little time! im starting to like Mills again, and remember why exactly im here. I miss LA, but i know thats my permanent home, the Bay area is just temporary. these four years are gonna go by fast! i can already feel it! so im striiving for all the best now!