sweet 17.

...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! yesterday was my birthday. and i wasnt as enthused as i was last year it felt just like another day. but it was cool ya know. im 17 now. finally. just ne more year til 18! yeeeeee. sooo last night for my birthday i got to drive to go out to eat with my friends, since i have my license now. I realized i have really good friends and people who care. my boyfriend is theee greatest. and i love my mom to death. things didnt goo alll well yesterday but i wont mention that stuff. :/ i went to the Volkswagen dealership and looked at this reaaaly cute navy blue Jetta. it was perfect. but then there was a Volvo S40 there that was quite cute alsoooo. :) soooo idk! we shall see. hopefully i get one cause that would be great. but yeaaa still feeling kinda sad. but anyways...happy birthday to me.

Love,
nicole

RE: college decisions.

...so in the end. i only got into 1 UC,. and thats Riverside. i dont reallly want to go there. but what the hey. Scripps my dream school denied me and im still contemplating on whether or not i should appeal. i think ill just do it just to see what happens. i may appeal Pomona if i dont get in there. i was wait listed for Pitzer....that got me a little happy but still its not an acceptance. sooo yeaaa illl be doing all that. then UC Berkeley denied me. sooo yeaaa now the choices i have to chose from is UC Riverside
Cal Poly San Luis Obispo
Cal State Long Beach
San Diego State

its all still a big toss up for me. now im still waiting for LMU, USC, Pomona, and Mills. I dont wanna go to LMU and i dont even think they reviewed my applications, lol. USC id love to go there at this point, but ion think they accepted me either so i wont get my hopes up about that. Pomona! ahhhh Pomona. :( :) :/ and Mills, i think i have a pretty good chance at going there. like sheeeesh! ahhhh. its just so far. if it were like 45 mins away then hellll yesss! but man its in Oakland. we shall see.
Love,
nicole

...so everything is great again. gosh its ridiculous how someone can make you soooo angry to the point that u feel like you're forced to give up on them and then they sweep you right off your feet again and ur back on cloud 9. i guess when u really love someone its hard to stay mad at them for a long period of time. and even if he did try and break up with me i wouldn't let him. but yeaaa i loooooooooove michael, with all my fucking heart i swear ill do anything for him in the world, whatever he asks me to. (as long as it isn't life threating or dangerous or whatever) its sooo sweet how were tlking on the phone and hes like... do you love me, are u in love with me...then come outside! lol. ahhhh that was the cherry on top of my day. when he wants to he seriously knows how to make me verrrrrry happieee. :) i cant wait to be with him again everyday next week. love u babe. :*

Love,
nicole

positives and negatives.

...this is so not a good way to start off my birthday week. this spring break was majorly wack. ive been denied to every college i could even see myself going to. and now mike is talking about some bull crap about how he loves me but he doesn't want a relationship but at the same time he wants to be with me. like ugggggh. here i go again about to get my heartbroken. i knew i shouldn't have got myself in a serious relationship cuz i knew this is how it would feel. hes driving me nuts right now. i swear...it sounds like someone wants to have freedom with other females and shit again, but he still wants the benefits of having me. well sorry dude u can only have one or the other. cant have me if were not in a relationship. but lemmie stop talking about his ass because all its doing is making me more and more pissed off and ill say somethings i dont need to sayy.

next week ill probably be finding out if ive been accepted to Scripps College or not. last night i had the most depressing dream. like just everything about what their acceptance letters would look like and what the denial letter would look like. my self esteem is so low right now. im insecure, im emotional, constantly sad or in a bad mood, i find it hard to smile now because hardly anything is making me happy, not even Michael. life is so depressing right now, i feel like im just surrounded by this fog, i have nothing else that im looking forward to anymore. just the thought of me NOT getting into Scripps is eating up all my energy. i feel like a fxcking zombie. i dont need this, i tried really hard to get where i am now, and since pretty much every UC has denied me ive given up all hope for any other college. gosh, now its time to hear from my first choice school which is just perfect for me. its so perfect, everything reminds me of that damn school. DAMN THAT SCHOOL! :(

i hope next week things get better, and i mean way better, like an acceptance letter from somewhere or something. im about to be 17 but it still doesnt feel like it. all this depressing crap is hovering over me and i cant even see the sun shining above me. (meaning that all the bad stuff is overshadowing the positive in my life)

but maybe if i start talking about all the good stuff ill feel a little better.
-i got my license earlier this week.
-im gonna be 17 in 6 days.
-my mom is the best mom ever, shes always there for me.
-the sun has been shining lately.
-i got accepted to 3 good CSUs.
-i have really great friends.
-my family is in a better situation than we were 5months ago.
-im way more mature than u used to be.

Love,
nicole

F*#& ALL UC's.

...F*#& UCLA.


Love,

nicole

rejection.

...well it looks like i got denied to one of my top choices. UC santa barbara. 4 more top choices to go...9 more colleges in total to go...not feeling this college shit at all now. i already know UC berkeley wont take me, and theres a good chance UCLA wont either. and UC riverside hasnt sent anything. lets just pray for those private schools.

...not really feeling anything right now. i dont want to work at Coldstone anymore. im gaining so much weight its disgusting, im starting to go into my shell again. damnnit i hate that shell. i havebnt gotten accepted to 2 out of 6 UC's i applied to. I dont think im going to get into any of them. Im just ready for my senior year to be over its getting annoying. i dont even give a fuck about prom either. all i know is if i dont get into one of the Claremont Colleges i will be very disappointed. goodnight.


Love,

nicole

say SURPRISE!

...yesterday was a success! we surprised my dad for his 50th birthday and all of our well loved family and friends came to celebrate. even my best friend Jasmine. i love her sooo much! and even Michael came to meet all my family members, but he had to leave before the surprise to get the car back to his mom. finally i feel like our family is coming back to normal...like were getting back on track since all the hardships we've been thru for the past 5 years.now everything is starting to workout for us. on that note! UC Davis denied me admissions..lol, i wasnt gonna go to that school anyway. but yeaaa, so now mike has a crush on my mom and Ashlie got the cutest tattoo of the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland, and we all know how much i absolutely adoooree it.but yeaaa i still want my tattoo of "in a world of my own with a bow on the side. but yepp...so tonight im working 5-10 lets see how this goeess.


Love,

nicole

the characteristics of Cinderella's stepsisters.

...dont you just hate it when friends fight over stupid stuff...hate how the internet creates unnecessary drama about people, how rumors just spread around that just causes more drama just piled on top of drama, those he said she saids, you done it-s they did it-s. i wonder what life holds for me after high school...i actually excited about it...like a new life or part of me will just spring right up outta the ground or fall from the sky, and turn the page to a new chapter of my life.

JEALOUSY.
just think of the story of Cinderella and her stepsisters. those bitches were jealoussss! shhhiiiyyiitttt. lol.



i noticed that as i get older and go through more things i can become a bigger person in life and actually learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of other. sure, were all humans, little monkey test subjects...shitting all over the place making lives miserable for scientists. idk what im talking about right now tho..im just in a stream of consciousness. okay but back to the work jealousy. For some reason i always feel like im blind to that characteristic in a person's personality. A someone could be jealous of me and i have no idea why. i dont think im that pretty, im pretty normal looking. im not as smart as i could be, (meaning book smart) i make sooo may mistakes its ridiculous, i havent had much luck with guys (again EVEN MORE mistakes) until now with my current boyfriend. idk...lol. but yeaaa i think my jealousy detector is broken because when it comes to all of that my "naiveness"(idk if thats even a word) kicks in. i could be friends with people who dont even like me for whatever reason (jealousy i guess...=/) what the fuck ever...but honestly let me get to the point.
"Jealousy is a pointless cyclone that circles into a deep dark hole of nothingness that you can never escape."
i dont think i have to elaborate anymore on that...its all pretty self explanatory. but if anyone is reading this (which i doubt) its not direct towards anyone, or any particular incident. just a train of thought...

Love,

nicole

nothing's gonna change my world.

...i never would have thought in life that jealousy causes girls to go to other extremes. like making up a bullshit lie about ur boyfriend kissing some other chick and coming back telling me trying to eff up our relationship. well shit, sorry bitches...it didnt work. and then the next day u see them somewhere and then they act super fake, unreal, wishywashy, whatever u wanna call it and have to nerve to talk about me. ha! then come to my job the following week and act like everything is cool. PSSSSHH...puh-leeeze. but yeaa whatever. i have those few friend that i trust and really thats all i need. lol.

im ecstatic that spring break is next week. not only do i barely have to go to class all this week, but next week im all freeeeee. but this daylights savings time crap is killing me. i can barely function right. but i love the longer days. :] im really proud of myself right now...maybe i may not get into the colleges of my choice but whatever, i got into 3 schools and they're alll pretty good, and wherever i end up hey, i can always transfer to a great school to graduate from. so no sweat. im done stressing over unnecessary stuff, all it does is cause annoying facial blemishes, fatigue, hair loss, and lots more stress piled on top of stress. and when i live life worry free of people, school, boy drama, friends drama, im a much happier person. heyy, im just happy i got through the horrible dog-eat-dog world of high school and i only have like 2 1/2 months left pretty muchh.

Love,

nicole

summer 2008 anticipation.

...i am so exhausted. and today was sooo not my day. i thought i lost my wallet, the school keeps messing up my transcripts and im always tired. now tonight i gotta go slave at Coldstone from 7-close. i miss the summer. i wanna know where im going for college that'll prolly make a lot of the stress get off my chest too. hopefully its Scripps. they sent me something too saying they already made their decision so im pretty scared about that, im pretty sure i got denied but whatever, just about 20 more days and ill know where im going. prom is comming up also! OMG! and i havent even started anything for dresses. uggh. the only bright side i have right now is mike and my paycheck. lol.

this summer must beee thee greatest ever! i just has to be...ill have my car, ill be going to some pretty new school leaving high school in the dust, the beach! friends of course, lots of chill music, creating many many memories, enjoying my last few days at home with my mom, and hopefully packing up to go to Scrippssss, (or maybe one of the Claremont Colleges) all i can think of now are sunny skies and pretty colors and hot weather. summer summer summer 2008 please hurry up!

Love,
nicole

love rain.

...man oh man. am i insanely in love! L.O.V.E. words cannot even describe how ecstatically happy i am. michael is the greatest boyfriend i have ever had in my life. last night we had the longest talk and even though at first it was super bad cuz he had things on his mind i tried my best to give him the greatest advice i possibly could to help him see that im not with him to hurt him or anything like that. yes i have made lots of mistakes in my past, but then again it is my past. and right now im focused on the present and future. no one has ever made me feel so good inside. i wake up every morning with a smile on my face because of him and my skin glows too! lol. i love michael anthony mitchell and noone is going to ever be able to change that.

Love,
nicole

im free!

...im off being grounded! yaaaaaay. im so happy now. i finally feel free and liberated. last week was such a stressful mess. i had to work every single day of the week because someone got fired so i had to cover shifts, now my wrists and fingers hurt soo bad. its painful to type this. well it is now the month of March! and march is a bigg month for me.
MARCH!
March 28- My 17th Birthday
March 3rd- Driver's License Test at the DMV
Mar 1-31 - College Acceptance/"were sorry to inform you" Letters.
March 15-23 Spring Break

so we finally moved out of Inadale, completely. my childhood home. i cried alot, probably because thats the only house ive known ever since i was 5. but now my new place is so much nicer and its a great new beginning for my family. i can never say it enough times how happy i am in the relationship that im in. so now that im off punishment! i need some shit to do!

Love,
nicole