had a wonderful christmas!
spent time with family, not all but most. :)
went to the movies last night, and had a great time.

blogging, not so into it anymore.
I started almost a year ago... now its just womp.
2009 is coming! and im ready for whatever it has in store for me!

HOME FREE!

ahhh, it feels good to know i finished my first semester in college. next semester is gonn be even better!
i already miss my friends at Mills. my first winter break for 5-6 weeks without ny homework! i cn just chillax...

let the holiday festivities begin!

Its been a while my peoples.
but im back again!

My first semester in college is a week from over and i'm stressing over my finals!
i really only have one final, in General Chemistry 17 and i neeed to do well! :(
but Pre-Calculus and English are alll gravy.

so that's why i've been gone, been stressin out. lol.
I registered for my classes for spring semester... General Chemistry 18, Calculus, Intro to Philosophy(gotta fulfill that last english writing requirement, yuck.), and Ceramics! for my Studio Art minor.
I'm halfway done with my freshwoman year here at Mills!

Mills has really grown on me over the past few weeks. Ive started to venture out and meet people at Berkeley and CSU East Bay and others so im starting to branch out.
Im totally looking forward to spending that 5 week long winter break in LOS ANGELES!

Its gonna be gweat. teehee. gonna spend time with good friends Janet, Jasmine and Antoine and probably catch up with a few like Isaiah and Sarah and others. I miss Centinela Feed but i really dont wanna work over the break, im feeling like a lazy winter break. but what will i do if im just sitting at home? lol womp. ill just take advantage of this free time and get things in order.

I need to get my license unsuspended, GAHHHH!
I already have a clue at how ill spend my time. ill prolly make random trips to visit family, hang out with Jasmine and Janet alot. shop, eat, learn to cook, enjoy home, without winter break homework WOOO HOOOO!
what to do when your single, yet not really ready to mingle? gosh, just to think it was us a year ago, now no more. 08 has been a great year i must say! not very many downs, positives most definitely out weighed the negatives. :D

toodaloo,
im back beezies.

OBAMA WON!
i knew he could do it. :) ive been behind him since day one!
i love my president, my BLACK president.
wow... its still not sinking in. the first afrian american president.
HISTORY i can tell my kids and grandkids!

had a happy halloween!
it wasn't much, but halloween really isn't that much either. next year ill make sure i go to a super fun party with "my kind of people".

halloween night i ended up just hanging out and shopping in san fransisco with my friend.
it was a nice little adventure so we didnt feel bad being stuck in our rooms. This weekend i was feeling a little down because of my lonliness here, and i had to deal with an unexpected event! buuuut everything happens for a reason, so therefore there's a reason why it happened.

tomorrow is theee day that Obamaa will save us all! im soo praying, im a little scared that the republicans may do something sneaky. :( but i have HOPE.

12 days to go....

pray for Obama.
pray for the future of this country's good standing.
pray for this financial crisis and all the families going through struggles.
pray for Prop 4 not to pass (PRO CHOICE!) & Prop 8 to pass.
pray for the pointless war to end.
pray for the government corruption, and the terrifying bail out of wall street in this financial recession near another great depression.
pray for more energy efficient items, fuel cell, stem cell research, global warming...

the United States has a population of over 1 billion people, and there are so many issues that haven't been touched on by our government.

VOTE please! I'm unfortunately 17 so i can't play a huge role in voting for a cause but i sure can promote it because it is for the better of this country.

"VOTE OBAMA!"
*hopeful, wishful face with a worried feeling inside.*

i love the french language,
won't you teach it to me. ;)

im feeling shhlumpy, like a fat sloth on a log, a fat ass cow, a sick pig bitch.
that's how i feel.

like SHIT!

someone bring me back to reality.

i ♥ Los Angeles.

Once i graduate from Mills College, I will most definitely be back there for grad school. Its home. I can't see myself living anywhere else. I really enjoyed my time there and had so much fun! my Friends and Family made everything so much better. I saw Janet, Antoine, BFF Jasmine, and many many others. This party on Saturday night had so many little kids, i really felt out of place like i was in college and they were all still in high school. I MUST turn 18 soon! because i can't take this any longer!

I did great shopping tooo! :) I wanted these really cute boots from Steve Madden but i didn't get them. ohh poo, Ill get them this weekend. but yeaa that trip really made me appreciate the real reason why I'm here and made me always have something to look forward to every few weeks. I'l be back for Thanksgiving in about 4 weeks, that'll go by in NO TIME!

Some of my favorite snapshots.

yaaay! going home home home! i cant wait!
ill have many pictures to post this time i visit home, cuz ill actually have stuff to do! :)
Friday is my best buddy Janet's day, and Miles' homecoming football game. Saturday is hanging with Jasmine, oh how i miss her. and Sunday is Sushi (yummm) with family. and i finally will be able to do my hair! and get a good pedicure. and pamper myself...maybe even a new haircut ;). ahhh liberation feels so free! :) and i get to drive my car some more again! just gotta drive safe, cuz i think my license is suspended...lol. and then, i get to see my Pepsi! and some more of LA, just visiting home will be good for me. then i'll be back in another 5 weeks for thanksgiving, then 3 weeks til Winter Break of 6 weeks! yaaay!

its allll downhill from here, baby.

Mya! i love you. lol, she's my new found love. Song lyrics totally go with how i feel. I used to always listen to this song in my car. Now this is really how i feel... I really dont wanna move on deep in my heart but i know in my mind that i have to.

I'm starting a new chapter in my life without anyboys, new friends, and by getting straight As and Bs in college. I'll be fine in the end...

"but i gotta be a woman, i gotta get over you.
Im Movin On."

when will this feeling go away?
i feel like im stuck in place, and then again i feel like im floating through my days.
I spent 3 hours talking on the phone with him last night and barely did one drop of studying last night. and the thing is, i know how to do Lewis Dot structures! i freaking psyched myself out! :( i knew how to answer that question too. :(
I feel so stupid. i need to study extra hard this week and next week for my chemistry exam number 2. The only hope i have left is this exam, exam number 3 and my final to make sure i get that A. Ive never stressed over an A so much in my life. especially in Chemistry!! wtf.. but i want it that bad. and im gonna work for it. I gotta keep up with my labs and homework too, cant slack on those no-brainer 100% points.

Besides Chemistry, im pretty sure ill get an A in PreCalc and Calculus this whole school year because the professor is an amazing wonder! yet English of course (my worst subject) will most likely come out as a B. Speaking of English i have to write another paper for that mother fugger! yikkeees!

I love college. like i reeeeally reeaaally do. I keep hearing freshman year is waay easy compared to that dreadful sophmore year. yikes! that includes Organic Chemistry105-106, General Biology, my College 60 course in Fads and Fashion, (maybe Statistics if i want a BS in Bio or Chem), and frickin computer science if i want a BS. aggghhh!!! im gonna pull my hair out next year. Itll be my hardest year too. :(
Im ready tho, I need to focus on the now, can't keep thinking too far ahead. just one step at a time. And i really dont know if i want just a Master's right after Mills or aim for a PhD! ahhh so many doors open for science people with PhD's...its a way that i can be a doctor without being stuck with a D.V.M. or M.D. hmmmm i love thinking about my future. lol makes me smile inside because i know now that even though i'm putting all this money into college, it will all pay off for a secured future for me, myself, and I.

there's so much i wanna do, and i feel like there's so little time! im starting to like Mills again, and remember why exactly im here. I miss LA, but i know thats my permanent home, the Bay area is just temporary. these four years are gonna go by fast! i can already feel it! so im striiving for all the best now!

Its on and off. I dont know if this break up will bring us closer or make us grow far apart. Ive gotten to the point where i don't even know what i want. I know that i want him, but there are things that he does and says that make me feel uneasy. Its gotten to the point where i can't distinguish between if I am happy without him, or happy with him.

I know that if i can't have him, i wont want anyone else for a really long time. I know i need to focus on my next 6-8 years in school. So if he really thinks that he's such a huge distraction, then God's plan will take its course and ill be left without a boyfriend, but on a positive note I'll be able to move forward with my education, and ill just have to wait for my next reall boyfriend till im 23-25...which is still a pretty good age.

Besides Michael, I'm just stuck in this cross roads with what I wanna do with my life. I know I most definitely am going for 2 degrees in science... Bachelor's and Masters... or Bachelor's and Ph.D... Bachelor's and D.V.M. ahhhhhhh! and I dont know if i want to be a Biology major still or if i wanna switch to Chemistry! i actually LOVE Chemistry... hmmmm...idk. we will see Ive got plenty of time to decide.

I'm mad at myself right now. I've allowed myself to not have fun.
NOT good! I need to get out there and start making new friends. cuz this immobile shit that im doing, and the inability to provide my own form of transportation is NOT fun either!

so I'm sitting in my room doing laundry watching the color purple and doing homework. All this instead of Love Fest.

whoop-dee-doo.

let's talk politics.

There's the vice presidential debate tonight and I'm so there to hear exactly what the hell Sarah Palin has to say. She disgusts me. I just don't understand what McCain was thinking when he decided to have her as his running mate! She is so unqualified in my opinion, absolutely no experience at all, like who the hell lives in Alaska, with enough experience to run a country, second hand. This woman is an extremist who wants to take away tons of women's rights and basically she's kissing McCain's behind saying "yessa massa" to whatever he says! I as a woman feel insulted that he thinks he could possibly win women's' votes by just having a female VP. The said thing is, people will vote for him, for that exact reason.

Why is this world so racist! Like hello, were not living in the 1960's! its 2008! Times have changed, and its time for people to change. In my English class we has a reading called "Slavery, Race, and Ideology" and basically it was prematurely stating how unfortunate it is that people have this "race" thing instilled in their heads that dates back to times of slavery, and even though those times are over, the ignorant mind set of racial profiling, etc still exists. Which is sad because in my opinion, Barack Obama is an extremely qualified candidate. The only reason why he doesn't have as much experience as McCain is age! Hello!!! McCain at 72 or Barack at 46? C'mon now, no brain-er. lol. But besides age, his political views and points are amazing and i totally support him, even though I'm not even of age to vote, which totally sucks. :( He is ready to get ready of the old world policies and reform America and bring it out of this economic recession we are in. He's ready to make life in America the dream that immigrants come her for! He's ready to take us out of that POINTLESS and NEVER ENDING war in Iraq. I pray for the better of this country that Barack Obama is voted into office. His running mate Joe Biden is a pretty good guy himself. With Barack Obama as president, i think it will open up so many doors for America in foreign relations where as they will see they aren't dealing with just the typical old, white male, Its something new and fresh and can possibly break many racial barriers that ALL people still experience today.

I LOVE OBAMA and i wish that these racist critics and people and the media would stop manipulating this presidential election!
On a more positive note, here is a video encouraging voting for those who are not as informed and some pictures of Obama/Biden supporters in Alaska.





VOTE (obama of course)PLEASE. Its the only way things will get better for all Americans.

I'm going through a...

METAMORPHOSIS. 

Love never fades, but heartbreak can bring you down.

So I have decided to move on. There's really no reason to just sit and dwell on the past. I'm now living for the future and moving forward. I love him very much, but right now is obviously not the greatest time for us. Today i decided to clean up my room and refresh myself. This doesn't mean that im gonna go off and start talking to tons of other guys. I need this time to finally identify with myself and enjoy being here at Mills. Once i go home in about 2-3weeks we will have time together to really finalize our decision. The time we will have apart will allow us to see what we truly want from each other. Although break-ups are really hard, they can either hurt the relationship or help it, Just like with distance and time apart. I really hope that either way i come out a happier person. I know im always going to love him though. All the great times we shared with each other...ahhhh to reminisce on these things still makes me get a little teary eyed. I dont regret falling in love with Michael, but i do wish that he could have trust for me. Without trust, there's no relationship. Thats totally something that i have learned. I think once you fully trust your partner, u are fully able to alow your emotions to run wild and love that person unconditionally.


I've also realized that I am now alone. Im here at Mills on my own, miles away from my parents. I can no longer go to my mom's room and cry to her when i've gone through a break up or if im going through a mental breakdown when school starts to become stressful. I needed this though, because I am growing into my own now and I need to learn how to live my life. At lunch and dinner i cant have pizza and french fries everyday, i cant just decide to skip class anymore like high school. Its the real deal. COLLEGE. its starting to hit me. lol...COLLEGE...cooolllleeggeeee! ahhhhh! 4 years of plenty of adventures and life lessons. Its only just begun.

guess who's back, back again. :)

so ive been gone for a while, oh well.
school started at Mills and things are starting to get intense. I decided to not follow through with the crew team, even though it would have been a great experience. maybe i'll do it next year.

but this past weekend i went with my friend Nicole a.k.a "Prudence" lol to visit her mom in sonoma.
its such a small town and i totally learned to appreciate living in the bay area and Los Angeles. This weekend i also realized the meaning of a true friend. And even though i lost a few, i gained one more. :)

Life here at Mills has been kind of hard for me since i've been away from home, but i think i will adjust by my second year here, especially when i have my car. But hopefully ill be blogging religiously again, because i'd love to have something to reflect on before the year 2009 comes around.

OAKLAND!
I'm commin back for yah babyyyy!

Orientationn time babbyyy...Let's go for a good year 3.0 and higher!
goal= 3.4 at least!

Placed into Calculus! Helllll yesss...but im gonna take Pre-Calc first...
Gen Chem 17.....im sooo ready!
English-Writing Composition....UGH. lol.
andddd CREWW!! rowing girls rockkkk!

MILLS MILLS MILLS!

AHHH! the Hellman Summer Science Program at Mills College is over!

that means its about time for Orientation August 23! omg....im so excited! i cant wait!

i've decided to switch my major over to Biology or Microbiology instead of Environmental Science. During these 4 weeks i really learned a lot about myself and what i can do better academically to make sure i do the best i can.

The resources here at Mills are so awesome, my professors and peers are all so supportive and the campus is just amazing. I dont think i would get that at Cal Poly or even my dream schools like Scripps College or UCLA. I am proud of myself for making the decision to go to a very diverse and supportive women's college where I am challenged like never before and being able to have special one on one time with practically all of my professors, I already went out to dinner with 2!

I cant wait to see what the school year is going to bring me, i know its going to be tough but this Hellman program really showed me what my strngths and weaknesses were so that i could succeed during these next four years as a Pre-Med Microbiology Major! 

Here's to the next four years! 

Its gonna be hard work, but in the end it's all going to be FAR MORE than worth it. 

That M.D. or Ph.D is like solid GOLD to me. 

i love Michael Anthony Mitchell.
point blank.
no one's ever gonna come between us.

no bye bye boyfriend for me.
:)

Define:

Heartbreak-n.Overwhelming sorrow, grief, or disappointment.

Confusion-n.Lack of clearness or distinctness.

Sadness-n.Keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.


note* This picture has nothing to do with this post, i just like taking the BART. Its the bay areas subway system.

Its been hard, i must say. And this time its all really my fault. I feel so stupid to even think it would be okay for him to visit me hen i already have someone special in my life. All he does is cause trouble, thats all he has done for me, i honestly cant hardly pick out anything positive about him and my experiences. He's caused me confusion, sadness, depression, friends, relationships, and all other things to fall apart, so no why should i just let him stay in my life? Well he's not, because he's gonna take away a very good thing that i have.

The bus system in the Bay Area is waaaaay better than LA. i think i wanna rethink about bringing my car up here!

Over my past week at Mills, I've become friends with two girls, Kristen and Bre'yan. They're great people and are very understanding. But anyways, yesterday we went shopping and I spent wayyy too much money, and then later on we went out to dinner together at this Italian restaurant, a little over priced but cool.

I'm sad that my boyfriend wont apologize to me for being a complete asshole lately for no apparent reason. I miss my best friend Jasmine, i wish i could just ride around in her car, talking about dumb shit. but I'm in Oakland now, and things are changing. Right now all i can hope for it the best.

Ahhhhh Mills College is amazing. Ive been here for about a week now and i absolutely love this place. All the girls are extremely nice, the classes are intense but very informative, and the professors are so easy to talk to. I've made a few friends, but mostly with Kristen and Bre'yan.

Yesterday we went to Alcatraz and that place was pretty interesting, all the prison cells, and damn foreigners who like to bump into people, as if they cant see you. lol. but anyways, afterwards 5 other girls and I, went to Fisherman's Warf and had a good time and oh my gooodness, lol "bus adventures" is all im gonna say.

:)

GONNA GET GONE.

in two days! omg. :( This is seriously becoming more of a reality than i thought.
but i am happy that my bank account is now, over 700 bucks! ill never be broke again! lol. but...40 dollars is gonna have to go to a fucking parking ticket i got in front of my mother's job! uggggh! I HATE METER MAIDS.

what the hell does a meter maid do anyways? drive around a certain location all freaking day, looking to see if the parking meter indicator is RED so they can rush their fat asses over to your car and quickly write the ticket before you can make it back to your vehicle. They all seem like theyre miserable with their own lives or something. like when i came to my car the lady actually made an effort to drive back around, and laugh at me when i was looking at her. :( AAHHHHHHH! she's fat, ugly, and never had anything great in her life so she gets a kick outta writing "parking tickets" (OH JOY!) for a city/county that doesn't give a *birdiee* about her!

okay im done ranting now. :)

It's my last week in Los Angeles. Sunday was my last week at Centinela Feed until December, and one of my favorite co-workers bought me a cake. :) i enjoyed that job, even though i would always dread waking up at 7Am on Saturdays and Sundays to work an 8 hour shift! ahhhhhh!
I'll miss most of the people there though.

On Saturday, i diiiid go to get most of my dorm stuff. Target is the place to go! everything will fit your budget! i was able to get everything i needed including decorations for under 300 bucks! All i need is a mini fridge!

From LA to the Bay i go. opening new doors to my new life. I am now starting a new chapter of my life. College is NO joke and i wont take it lightly at all. i know that my family and Michael will still be here when i come back. But now i finally get to get away from my comfort zone, go to a place i know absolutely nothing about and i know absolutely noone! I hope to meet new friends, and be inspired by many of my professors and do my best in school that i've ever done before. im going to miss LA but, its not like im gone forever! its just for the next four years of my life!

Mills College here i come!

ahhh, yes. my last week working. man i have THEE worst! back pains. last night i went to Dance again, itll probably be my last. :( but at least most of CHEATNJ was there.!only 2 more days of working! woooo hooooooo!


one more week left in Los Angeles! gotta live it up!

its so hard to believe that i'm actually not going to live in LA anymore about 15 days from now. ill miss LA a lot but i really do like the bay area. i wonder what their summer weather is like? im gonna miss my mom, Michael and Jasmine the most. they're the ones i always go to the most if i ever have problems. But i need to stop doubting Mills. i know that once i get back on that campus ill be even more motivated than ever.

my fourth of July was great tho! went to my cousin Truth's house in the valley and most of my family came over and we ate good BBQ and swam in the pool. besides the fact that some lady seriously went overboard and had to disrespect my mom all because of her dumb ass tattoo on her neck...lol thats a whoooole nother story.

AND I FOUND MY PHONE!
i swear it probably got lost in like another dimension or something, how ridiculous. i looked in that spot in my car about 10 times and it was NOT there. then all of a sudden it just shows up! like wth! ahhhhhhh! a ghost probably took it or something.

DANCE!

til ya cant dance no' mo.

Last night at my first rave was amaazzingly fun! it was the best party/club i had ever been to. i didnt need to pop a thizz/E pill, drink any alcohol or smoke any weed to have fun last night. i was at a place where all different types of people came to just dance howeever theywanted to. unlike at a hiphop themed party people have to grind their asses on each other in a rhythmic way or else u get looked at like ur retarded. and me im not the best of a dancer so i fit in pretty well... but even the best of dancers could have funn too. i still dont have a digital camera so i had to use Attallah's LX to take o few pics of the pretty lights...
next week...GLOW STICKS!

graduation.

Class started two hours ago, OH am i late? no i already GRADUATED!

teehehehe. yaaay i graduated. mannn that day was such a happy day, but it was sad at the same time too. i was crying with happiness and sadness at the same time. it was all too surreal. i just cant believe its all really finally over. at the end i feel like i kinda eased on by, lol but oh well...im just happy to finally say im a college student. Mills College with all the damn bi-sexuals and lesbos here i come. lol. itll be a good experience tho. im glad i have my babe right by my side. :) and in all the commotion right after graduation the love of my life was standing right there to hug me and make everything perfect, AHHHH once again. lol. its so weird i think how i found him right when i was soo lost in my life and doing all the bad shit i was doing and he really turned me around to face in the right direction. i KNOW he's the one for me. :) and hell be there for me through everything...cant wait to see him graduate next year!

Love,

nicole

highschool memories.

so today is the day of my graduation. i have to say that i have been through so much in my small measly 4 years at Westchester. but when i really think hard about it...those days at Westchester HIGH werent measly at all. they were actually filled with laughter, tears, life learned lessons, boys, friendships til the end, my CHEATNJ, teachers, grades, everything i could think of. in those four years i grew up as a person. soo here ill post a grip of pics from my highschool past from as far back as i can find. lol. enjoy!

































MORE PICS COMMING SOON! ran outta time. lol

Love,

nicole